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| is medicine for the soul.
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| It's so scary to see myself trusting someone again. After everything I went through, people would think I was crazy to fall in love again.
I'm not gonna lie. It was hard. I could never tell him how much he's done for me, how much he's helped heal everything. It's not just having someone to hold and cuddle with, because believe me we can't do much of that. He was there when I needed to vent or when I was feeling ugly. He's been here and knew exactly what to say and when to say it.
That's why I'm even more terrified now.
Trusting is easy at the beginning. Everything is new and if they broke that trust, it's easy to clean up after. Let's throw in a relationship, falling in love, and distance to that and it gets a bit more complicated. I don't know what's keeping me in this rut. It's the same thing every time. I get insecure on how much longer he'll love me until he finds out I'm really not worth it.
Okay, I know. It sounds like I'm insecure about myself and you guys are gonna tell me that I should love myself before I should love anyone else blahblahblah. I DO love myself. I love myself a lot. I also love him. I also know that we're young and "love" is a taboo subject for us "children." Shut up. This is my blog. Imma do what i do, aite?
/sigh
1. I'm PMSing. PRE-menstrual.
2. I don't know how to express feelings well. This is a poor effort of trying to make sense of the jumble in my brain.
3. I just miss him so much.
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| BROOKE
Remember Brooke, when you used to hate me in 6th grade and we became the best of friends?
Remember your birthday party and we painted your room and remember the first time you, Tiffany, and I took out my parents car and drove for the first time?
Remember sleeping over your Grandma's house and writing on the whiteboard? Remember trying to make videos for youtube and making "movies" and stuff?
Remember how many stupid fights we got into and how we got over it?
Remember when we'd walk to my mom's store and play on the railroad tracks?
Remember how you'd always dance with your palms?
Remember doing photoshoots at my house?
JENNY
Remember making Spagettio's into C's?
Remember having a dance to every song on my ipod and dancing like freaks on the bus?
Remember touchdown turnaround?
Remember designated "emo" days?
Remember when we found out you were allergic to chocolate and how I was so sad because I couldn't have hot chocolate at your house anymore?
Remember when we tried skating on that HUGE freakin hill?
Remember throwing Sarah in the air to "Reunited"?
Remember putting that blue nail polish (what were we thinking??) on our nails and feeling so girly?
Remember when we finished that health paper and the Hallelujah ringtone?
JENNIFER
Remember how we were gonna walk from the movies BACK to my house?
Remember how we were always together and always on the same page?
Remember David, the short leprechaun man?
Remember dying our hair at that church retreat in Tennessee?
Remember going to the mall, camera whoring, and finding Waldo?
Remember you getting that Zach(k?) Efron poster at Claires(i think)?
Remember ALWAYS ALWAYS ALWAYS talking about boys?
Remember me being scared of you in 1st grade because you told me to get out of the tube?
Remember watching that couple makeout while watching Prom Night?
KYLA
Remember floating in your pool and pretending to be dead?
Remember playing with fire at your house and roasting marshmallow things?
Remember being best friends with Tiana and always being together?
Remember me walking to your house, like, everyday?
Remember that one day after Battle of the Books practice and we were coming out of Mrs. Rayfield's room and we were laughing so hard because it looked like I was humping the floor?
Remember always getting mistaken for each other?
Remember my first day at Catawba Heights and when I saw you and was like,"I KNOW HER!"?
Remember Tony? puahahaha.
Remember writing poetry in 6th grade and think it was soooo coooool?
YOU GUYS
You guys remember when we all used to hate each other?
Then remember when I had that disgusting crush on Tim? Then that crush on Jordan?
Remember when I dated Tony and got all suicidal?
Remember when at one point, it really was friends-forever?
Remember when we all grew up?
Remember the last day of 8th grade?
Remember all the little things that made each relationship special?
So, we've grown apart. We've moved on, gone to different highschools, and some of the things I listed might not even ring a bell. I'll always have you guys in my hearts because you made my middle school years something I honestly will never forget.
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| So there's this kid that sits behind me in Math. I share my answers with him, I share my candy with him, I share laughter with him. Let's call him Mr. Z.
So today, there happened to be a little chocolate bar fundraiser. I specifically told the fundraiser guy to save me a milk chocolate bar while I go a few feet away and get my purse. I announced this to the class making known my desire for that bar of milk chocolate deliciousness.
Then, I return to find not ONLY did Mr. Z. take a milk chocolate bar, but he took the LAST and ONLY milk chocolate bar that was in there. I am positive he had heard me announce to the class that the chocolate bar that he was about to consume was rightfully mine. BUT, I did not get angry yet. I, instead, bought a WF Crisp and an Almond milk chocolate bar. I turned around to my friend and asked ever so sweetly if I could just have a bit of his chocolate in exchange for an equal portion of mine. His answer??!
I'm not sure if he realizes it yet, but he can just forget about me helping him out with radical equations tomorrow.
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